So, I have been slow to work on my travel journal. Since I have gotten back from Russia at the end of October, I have been having issues with motivation and life. There are a few things which keep coming up.
A) I need a way to express certain political concepts, especially to not feel like people are considering my viewpoint impossible, as if, if I understand to be true certain things contrary to the liberals which the conservatives say, I must be one of the "bad guys."
When I describe such things, everything keeps coming back to the need to change the dialog -- instead of talking conservatives vs moderates vs liberals, look instead at, say, "The Secret World," and separate people into Illuminati, Templars, and Dragons. Typical conservatives and liberals are both Templars in this picture -- they believe their ideology, and all who oppose are obviously evil or need to be saved from themselves.
So if everyone talks in terms of good vs evil, and are opposed to people whom they claim to be only for their self interest, but I need things in terms of adapting and surviving ...
People can debate if a given political figure is an angel or a demon, but as any fan of fantasy can point out, paladins and angels are often jerks. So, while I would always emphasize the humanity of humans, I also emphasize that even in the case when someone legitimately has the best of intentions, this, and not selfishness, can be what leads to the greatest harms, especially when you don't listen to those whom you intend to help. Also, this has been a significant part of my experience in life, and, therefore, is extremely important to me for people to recognize.
B) I feel more comfortable in Russia than the US, or even Canada.
Since I have talked with many people, I recognize that for many people, the US is the best place for them. But just because it is the case for some people, doesn't mean it is the case for everyone, or even most people. My understanding has developed in lines with the concept that the US is just another country, like every other country, and like every other country, it has its own strengths and weaknesses, and needs to develop on its own terms, without glorification or "democracy shaming," (which is a favored game by the US and EU). The US is as legitimate as any other country, not better or worse. While one can debate the legitimacy of any government, there is a point where one needs to accept an all or none aspect to this debate. Every culture is different, has different needs, and every culture is a process, changing over time, able to correct itself if allowed on its own terms.
Often explaining how I don't want to live in the US (and it is not even the political situation) is difficult. Explaining further that I want to live in Russia is also difficult. Just internally, it is a difficult concept for people to wrap their mind around, as it goes against everything they are trained.
I have pages which are coming. People can ask for links if they wish, for either travel journals or things which are more political. I am also hoping to restart progress on my story at some point.
A story of an American woman who finds herself in the past in Siberia. Picture book format, currently updating twice a month. View the story posts in chronological order with the archive tab.
09 January 2020
21 November 2019
November Update
I am back in Canada after being in Russia for September and October.
Story Update: I had made the decision to pause writing, as every time I approached this, I broke down. Things are better now, but not perfect. I will hopefully resume working on this project after I finish writing my travel journal. My plan is to redo the beginning of the story, with images. I had talked to people in order to edit the story, and realized that the visual details were in the images, and feel very bizarre for me to put in writing. I have also been told there are issues with the Sergei / Jennifer dialogs. I had never intended to get to a professional writing level with my writing from the beginning, but it would be helpful to improve things.
Travel Journals: I was in Russia again, and I still have not finished my documentation from the previous year. I do want to write something up to finish this, as well as talk about what occurred more recently. I doubt the order will be chronological, especially since I have forgotten many of the details from the older trip.
Personal Update: I have been dealing with certain issues since I got back from Russia, which I don't completely understand.
As far as I can tell, this issue is this:
a) I was in Russia, and it feels more comfortable for me to be in Russia. I it is difficult for me to explain this, not because I don't have words to describe this, but because people feel the need to criticize how I describe this, which triggers the sense of alienation all over again.
b) When I got back, I basically needed to "debrief" from the trip, put my thoughts together and figure out what I need to do. In order to do this, I needed to talk to people, but I had nobody to talk to who wouldn't instinctively attack me on what I had to say. Yes, that is a simplification, but it is also the truth of the situation.
Story Update: I had made the decision to pause writing, as every time I approached this, I broke down. Things are better now, but not perfect. I will hopefully resume working on this project after I finish writing my travel journal. My plan is to redo the beginning of the story, with images. I had talked to people in order to edit the story, and realized that the visual details were in the images, and feel very bizarre for me to put in writing. I have also been told there are issues with the Sergei / Jennifer dialogs. I had never intended to get to a professional writing level with my writing from the beginning, but it would be helpful to improve things.
Travel Journals: I was in Russia again, and I still have not finished my documentation from the previous year. I do want to write something up to finish this, as well as talk about what occurred more recently. I doubt the order will be chronological, especially since I have forgotten many of the details from the older trip.
Personal Update: I have been dealing with certain issues since I got back from Russia, which I don't completely understand.
As far as I can tell, this issue is this:
a) I was in Russia, and it feels more comfortable for me to be in Russia. I it is difficult for me to explain this, not because I don't have words to describe this, but because people feel the need to criticize how I describe this, which triggers the sense of alienation all over again.
b) When I got back, I basically needed to "debrief" from the trip, put my thoughts together and figure out what I need to do. In order to do this, I needed to talk to people, but I had nobody to talk to who wouldn't instinctively attack me on what I had to say. Yes, that is a simplification, but it is also the truth of the situation.
13 February 2019
Update - February 2019
I have split the hospital scene again, and have the second portion completed. It is currently 23 updates, and will hopefully end in December of this year. I still need to wait in order to start publishing, as I need to find a new editor for this. I will try increasing the rate of posting again in order to complete this portion by 2020.
After I finish editing, I will try to work on the rest of the hospital scene and get images for the dream sequence from the first section and the role-playing in the third section. I will also try to get the travel journal done from summer 2018.
Hopefully, I will be able to start illustrating the story after the end of Jennifer's time in the hospital.
After I finish editing, I will try to work on the rest of the hospital scene and get images for the dream sequence from the first section and the role-playing in the third section. I will also try to get the travel journal done from summer 2018.
Hopefully, I will be able to start illustrating the story after the end of Jennifer's time in the hospital.
01 January 2019
С новым годом!
I am sorry I don't have any images for the New Year. I have been slow, although I am still working on both the next part of the story and my travel journals for this summer.
The ebook formats for the first subchapter will become available throughout the day.
Prologue (Russian Latinized with translations) -- epub, mobi, pdf
Prologue (Russian in Cyrillic) -- epub, mobi, pdf
Chapter 1, Subchapter 1 (without Cyrillic) -- epub, mobi, pdf
Chapter 1, Subchapter 1 (with Cyrillic) -- epub, mobi, pdf
The ebook formats for the first subchapter will become available throughout the day.
Prologue (Russian Latinized with translations) -- epub, mobi, pdf
Prologue (Russian in Cyrillic) -- epub, mobi, pdf
Chapter 1, Subchapter 1 (without Cyrillic) -- epub, mobi, pdf
Chapter 1, Subchapter 1 (with Cyrillic) -- epub, mobi, pdf
09 December 2018
Update - Dec 2018
This is the end of the first chapter. Writing of the second chapter has been delayed due to moving. I am at least halfway through the writing, but I will need also to have it edited before I start posting again. The second chapter will probably also be without images, but I will try to get images back for the third chapter.
I will get the compiled ebook and pdf formats for the first chapter out by the end of the month.
I will be trying to post my travel journals slowly as well. The link is here. Since I don't have these edited by another person, they can go up as soon as I finish writing them.
I will get the compiled ebook and pdf formats for the first chapter out by the end of the month.
I will be trying to post my travel journals slowly as well. The link is here. Since I don't have these edited by another person, they can go up as soon as I finish writing them.
06 November 2018
Initial Arrival 32
Day 4
1 October 1956
Yakutsk, Siberia, USSR
“Is there anything else you want to say?”
“I can't think of anything right now.”
“Ok. I will want you to sign some papers indicating your intention to defect.”
“Is this appropriate? I don't really know anything of value. I just don't have anywhere to go. And I don't want to go back.”
“Yes, and you really shouldn't undervalue yourself.” Ivan shifted the focus of his speech. “It will take time to determine what we will do. But we will probably move you to Moscow. Here is forbidden to foreigners. There we will have resources for you. If you are to stay long, I will get you textbooks from which you can learn our language. For now you need to remain in this hospital. Can you do this?”
“Yes.” Before Ivan left, however, Jennifer had another concern. “Have you seen either Nicholas or Joshua?”
“Huh?”
“Nicholas is my brother. Joshua is a friend.”
“I haven't encountered anyone by either of those names. From your story, I can understand why you would be concerned about your brother. But this is the first time you have mentioned a friend.”
“He was with us, but I don't know if he is here. By the time I was gone, he hadn't left the vehicle.” Jennifer paused, considered, before continuing. “He is black with long hair.”
“I am sorry. If we find them, I will tell you.” Ivan paused before adding, “Can you tell me anything about them which may be useful? For instance, what is their accent? Do either of them know our language?”
“They should have the same accent as me. I think their only foreign language training was in school.”
“Look, I don't know what has happened or will happen to them, but we will try to find them. Thank you for telling me that they may be here.”
“Ok.”
After they had finished, Ivan left Jennifer alone again.
1 October 1956
Yakutsk, Siberia, USSR
“Is there anything else you want to say?”
“I can't think of anything right now.”
“Ok. I will want you to sign some papers indicating your intention to defect.”
“Is this appropriate? I don't really know anything of value. I just don't have anywhere to go. And I don't want to go back.”
“Yes, and you really shouldn't undervalue yourself.” Ivan shifted the focus of his speech. “It will take time to determine what we will do. But we will probably move you to Moscow. Here is forbidden to foreigners. There we will have resources for you. If you are to stay long, I will get you textbooks from which you can learn our language. For now you need to remain in this hospital. Can you do this?”
“Yes.” Before Ivan left, however, Jennifer had another concern. “Have you seen either Nicholas or Joshua?”
“Huh?”
“Nicholas is my brother. Joshua is a friend.”
“I haven't encountered anyone by either of those names. From your story, I can understand why you would be concerned about your brother. But this is the first time you have mentioned a friend.”
“He was with us, but I don't know if he is here. By the time I was gone, he hadn't left the vehicle.” Jennifer paused, considered, before continuing. “He is black with long hair.”
“I am sorry. If we find them, I will tell you.” Ivan paused before adding, “Can you tell me anything about them which may be useful? For instance, what is their accent? Do either of them know our language?”
“They should have the same accent as me. I think their only foreign language training was in school.”
“Look, I don't know what has happened or will happen to them, but we will try to find them. Thank you for telling me that they may be here.”
“Ok.”
After they had finished, Ivan left Jennifer alone again.
23 October 2018
Initial Arrival 31
Day 4
1 October 1956
Yakutsk, Siberia, USSR
“Good. Can you tell me about the events in the clearing now? How did you get there?”
Jennifer begun to retell the story, much more confident this time, as she didn't need to lie and had prepared for this in advance. “I was in the forest, lost, cold and alone, and heard voices in the distance. So I went towards them. I heard gunshots after some time, a few I guess. After that, I heard thunder, then some screaming. I think they were startled.
“Visibility was low. It was difficult to see with the snow falling in my eyes. I may have already been in the clearing by this time, but I didn't see anything. I was focused on trying to avoid tripping or stray branches. Eventually, though, I caught sight of some of the people standing, wearing coats and hats. Three, perhaps. One of them was carrying another person who wasn't protected from the cold. As soon as they saw me, they started to leave. They fired in my direction to cover their departure. I froze, then dropped to the ground to prevent from being hit.
“On the ground I saw two people. Male and female, I believe. Both were dressed for the cold and snow. One was motionless, the other, the man, said something I didn't understand. It took a bit for me to do anything about this. I was shaking, my heart beating rapidly.
“After the other people left, I made my way to the man. He was injured, shot in the leg. I told him I was lost, that I didn't understand what he said, that I needed to stop his leg from bleeding. He told me to take his coat and hat and go towards the east, there was a city about an hours walk away. I was so tired, my focus had shifted from saving myself to saving him. I told him I didn't think I could walk that far. On his suggestion, I tied his leg with his belt before falling unconscious.”
Jennifer paused and grabbed the clipboard with her drawings. She took out one of the clearing. “Here, I have some diagrams of what I remember. They may be difficult to read and inaccurate, but hopefully they are still helpful.”
Ivan took the drawing, looked at it, then folded it up and put it in the back of his notebook. “Thanks. Is this all you remember? Could you get any details of the attackers?”
“No. … Well, I think they had fur hats and coats. They had boots as well. I don't know the colors, but they were not bright. I don't recall much else. … I am sorry I can't help more.”
1 October 1956
Yakutsk, Siberia, USSR
“Good. Can you tell me about the events in the clearing now? How did you get there?”
Jennifer begun to retell the story, much more confident this time, as she didn't need to lie and had prepared for this in advance. “I was in the forest, lost, cold and alone, and heard voices in the distance. So I went towards them. I heard gunshots after some time, a few I guess. After that, I heard thunder, then some screaming. I think they were startled.
“Visibility was low. It was difficult to see with the snow falling in my eyes. I may have already been in the clearing by this time, but I didn't see anything. I was focused on trying to avoid tripping or stray branches. Eventually, though, I caught sight of some of the people standing, wearing coats and hats. Three, perhaps. One of them was carrying another person who wasn't protected from the cold. As soon as they saw me, they started to leave. They fired in my direction to cover their departure. I froze, then dropped to the ground to prevent from being hit.
“On the ground I saw two people. Male and female, I believe. Both were dressed for the cold and snow. One was motionless, the other, the man, said something I didn't understand. It took a bit for me to do anything about this. I was shaking, my heart beating rapidly.
“After the other people left, I made my way to the man. He was injured, shot in the leg. I told him I was lost, that I didn't understand what he said, that I needed to stop his leg from bleeding. He told me to take his coat and hat and go towards the east, there was a city about an hours walk away. I was so tired, my focus had shifted from saving myself to saving him. I told him I didn't think I could walk that far. On his suggestion, I tied his leg with his belt before falling unconscious.”
Jennifer paused and grabbed the clipboard with her drawings. She took out one of the clearing. “Here, I have some diagrams of what I remember. They may be difficult to read and inaccurate, but hopefully they are still helpful.”
Ivan took the drawing, looked at it, then folded it up and put it in the back of his notebook. “Thanks. Is this all you remember? Could you get any details of the attackers?”
“No. … Well, I think they had fur hats and coats. They had boots as well. I don't know the colors, but they were not bright. I don't recall much else. … I am sorry I can't help more.”
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